I recently took part in a training where I taught a class entitled "Boys will be Boys - and that's a
good thing!" I have long been a champion of little boys, and since giving birth to two of my own I have only strengthened my resolve to fight for them. I am sure that statement confuses some of you, but you should know - in America, we are losing our boys.
The statistics are startling. As of right now, 3 out of 5 boys will not attend college. In elementary schools our boys are more likely to be labeled with learning disabilities and mis-diagnosed (yes, you read that right) with ADD and ADHD. The most recent studies have shown that 98% -
98%! - of boys that have been diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have been mis-diagnosed! We are drugging children for being who God intended for them to be! What is even more upsetting is that, on average, teachers prefer girls over boys because they are easier to handle. And the boys know it. By 8th grade the majority of boys in public schools will tell you so. Boys lead in delinquency and in dropping out of schools. Homosexuality is on the rise. A common denominator in this statistic is that more and more boys are being raised - by choice - by single moms, with no male role model to show them how to be a "man." Instead, they are being feminized. We have made all of the things that little boys need to do - yes need to do - "bad". Don't get dirty, don't be loud, don't rough house, sit quietly, be still, mind your manners, listen, don't talk, don't climb that ladder, don't swim in that hole, don't pick that up! Did you know that rough housing is a key component in boys who grow up with a strong sense of self worth and confidence? It is. So is pinching, hitting, wrestling, and any other form of physical contact that little boys are constantly inciting and we are constantly discouraging.
Am I saying that boys should run wild? Am I saying that they shouldn't be sensitive and care about others? No. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and a necessary ingredient to succeed in life. Some boys love to shop, some boys love to draw, some love to read - but typically they like to do little boy things, too. Go fishing, build towers larger than they are tall, see what happens when you introduce a parakeet to the cats. AND WE NEED TO LET THEM!!!!!!!!!!
Interesting fact. All boys/men hear better out of one ear than the other, even if only slightly (ask your husbands about this, it usually surprises them but they will tell you that it is true). The best way to discipline a little boy is to sit on the side they hear the best out of (simple observation will reveal this after a day or two, they will turn that ear towards you when you talk) and talk to them side by side. Boys were created to defend and create, and when you get in their face or make them look you in the eyes their first instinct is going to be to bow up emotionally and physically. We don't get in our husbands faces when we disagree with them, why do we get in our sons. Sit side by side with them, and discipline them consistently and firmly. You will get much farther with better results.
When was the last time you saw a smart, mature, devoted and loving family man starring in a sitcom on TV? Gone are the Bill Cosby's, and in their place are bumbling fools with wives who are smart and intelligent and ruling their every move. Or, my personal favorite, drunken infidels who wear women like medals and use them like toilet paper. Seen a good role model for your little boys on TV lately? I didn't think so.
Do you know what the key is to raising strong healthy boys? There is only one. Fathers. Amazingly, while little boys will have their struggles without their mothers it is NOTHING like what they will go through or become without their fathers. Someone to wrestle with or go fishing. Someone to build a lego Ferrari and teach them how to play football. Someone to show them how to lead their family in prayer and Bible study, to care for those who are weak and provide for those who lack. Someone who works when it's time to work, but makes their family a priority. Someone who can show them how to love their wives, their kids and their Lord.
But even with amazing daddy's, we still have to be champions for our boys. Do we home school, send to private school, or continue on in public school? The answer - you do what you are supposed to do for your son. If you are in touch and involved in their lives you will know. Sometimes home school will cripple an already shy and introverted child if it's not done the right way. Sometimes private Christian schools will promote social awkwardness and inability to relate to children outside of their school. And sometimes public school will do so much damage to your child's faith and belief system that you will never begin to repair it.
Our children are in public school right now, and they have done very well. Will they continue - no. After 5th grade (or sooner if necessary) they will attend a private Christian school. If that doesn't work they will probably be home schooled (I can see my husband flinching as he reads that last part!). But I can guarantee one thing, they will be where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there, and I will NOT throw my children - my daughter or my sons - to the wolves. It is our job as parents to raise them to be independent, Biblically thinking, Christ centered children. And to be their champions when need be.
Take care of your boys. They are our future.
