Sadness

Tomorrow the kids will go back to school, and we will return to life as "normal." We've been spending the morning taking down all of our Christmas decorations and will clean the house when we're done. This afternoon I want to take the kids to see Despereaux, but we'll see.

I am sad today. Noah started to cry when we began to take the Christmas tree's down, and I'm going to miss the kids like crazy when they go back to school tomorrow. I have loved having them home with me - fighting and all. They grow up so quickly, and there are so few days like these left. While I know that Christmas will always remain special, a little of the magic will disappear over the next few years, and there will never be another year like this one. There will be years just as wonderful and special, and possibly even some sad years, but this one will never be repeated. Which is, of course, as it should be. Would I really want to hold back time? No. I want them to grow and experience and feel and be and touch others lives and have their lives touched. I want them to laugh and cry and be happy and disappointed and I want them to love and be loved and possibly even have their hearts broken. I want them to live the life that they are supposed to - with all of the joys and sorrows that it will bring, glorifying the Lord through it all. But, every once in a while - okay, probably more often then I should - I want to hold my babies again, and cuddle my toddlers, and freeze my children and keep them just for me. But, as I cannot, I will put on my smiley face, and hold back the tears so that I can enjoy THIS day with my angels. THIS day, that I will never have again, and make memories that will never be forgotten and build relationships with my children that will continually be strengthened. Then, one day when I'm attending my granddaughters 8th birthday party and my daughter sheds a little tear because of how quickly it is going I can hold her close, and tell her that I understand - because I really will. And then, just maybe, I'll shed a little tear because of how quickly it went for me as well.